and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
