I can tuck mytits in my pants
false alarm. still invincible.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
