So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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