I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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