You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
