dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
