you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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