There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
