It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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