sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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