Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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