You smell like a Billy Joel song
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
