Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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