remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
