party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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