I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
