he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
