If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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