This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
