i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
