ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
