Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
