U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the condom got lost in my hair
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
