My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
