Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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