what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
