Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
