So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
