I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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