drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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