what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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