i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We left the knife in your bed.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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