Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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