It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
