It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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