What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
