My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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