11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
