I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
