took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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