just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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