dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
