I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
