I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
