just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
