Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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