Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
