my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
