you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
