God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
