My room smells like vodka and shame
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
