Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
