it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
