she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
