Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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