In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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